I write this with a heavy heart

I have been trembling for over a week and a half now. There is something that is weighing heavily on my mind, and I have avoided blogging about it, because I know that I will get flack from it. In fact, many of you who read what I have to say with very strongly disagree with me. But I have gotten to the point where I am okay with that. I can not keep this to myself anymore. Please understand I am not writing to throw stones, or defame the character of anyone.


Earlier this month, a little girl named Lydia was working on a reading lesson when she mispronounced a word. She refused to say it correctly, so her parents diciplined her. She was homeschooled, and the daughter of parents who loved her, according to people who know the family. They were, in many ways a typical christian family. They were conservative, and homeschooled their children. Very much like the family I grew up in, and many of my friends. But on this day, they became a news story. Very little about what happened during the next 4-6 hours is known. What we do know is that the mother made a frantic call to 911 to say her daugter was not breathing. 7 year old Lydia died that day, from organ failure caused from major tissue damage. By the time the EMT's arrived, she was in cardiac arrest. Its a sad story.


But, there is more to the story. And this is what has been troubling me. Kevin and Elizabeth, the girls parents, were very vocal followers of a TN preacher named Michael Pearl. He has a magazine, as well as several books that he and his wife have written. The name of his ministry is "No Greater Joy." They are the authors of the popular book, To Train Up A Child. I have read 2 books by the Pearls. The one mentioned before, and Created To Be His Helpmeet. I have also read maybe 20 or so of the articles on his website, which I will not link to, because I do not support them. While I in no means, intend this blog post to be a mudslinging at Michael and Debi Pearl as people, I do think that there are errors in their philosophy of parenting, as well as their underlying theology, that should be adressed.


I am stunned that some conservative Christians support the Pearls ministry. The research that I have done, has shown that his theology is way off from what I believe the scripture teaches about the nature of Salvation, and a parents role in it. He also advocates parenting practices that are abusive in some cases, and this goes way beyond an "old fashioned spanking"


He teaches that submission is the only thing that is acceptable from a child. Cheerful submission. This sounds great! Who would not love to have children that happily complied every time a command was given? Michael Pearl tells you just how to get that submission. The following section is a quote from his article entitled In Defense of Biblical Chastisment:

"If you ever have a child who stands his ground of defiance and you let him win, you have lost his heart forever—unless you are able to go back and win a confrontation and keep on winning. If you ever let his rebellion triumph just one time, it makes it much harder to conquer in the future. After he gains the upper hand, one victory on your part will not be sufficient. You will have to persevere in several contests of wills until he is convinced that he can never stand against your authority."

The section right before this quote, explains how you should spank 10 times, slowly and counting, forgeting what number you are at, ect. until the child fully submits to you. No matter how many licks that takes. Following that, Pearl says that if you give into your child, or stop spanking before the child is humble and submissive, "you have lost his heart forever"

As Christian parents, we all want our kid's hearts to be softened toward God. What a strong thing to say! While I totally agree that we should be as consistant as possible with out kids, what happens when the child refuses to submit? How far is to far? When does loving dicipline become abuse? Why is this line never explained in the various articles on how to apply the rod? Is this truely how scripture teaches us to dicipline our children? Believe it or not, the above quoted passage is one of the milder warnings about letting your child win. I believe, that for well meaning parents who follow the Pearls teaching, letting your child win somehow becomes the worst thing you can do. Somehow it is more abusive to give in, than to beat your child to the point of serious injury or death. And I do not believe that this is what a Jesus who said "Let the little children come to me, and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven" would do.

According to the police report, Lydia was beaten with a 1/4 inch plumbers line, which is exacty what Michael Peal says makes an ideal "rod". From the same article, under the section called "What instument should I use?" Michael Pearl says:

"As a rule, do not use your hand. Hands are for loving and helping. If an adult swings his or her hand fast enough to cause pain to the surface of the skin, there is a danger of damaging bones and joints. The most painful nerves are just under the surface of the skin. A swift swat with a light, flexible instrument will sting without bruising or causing internal damage. Many people are using a section of ¼ inch plumber’s supply line as a spanking instrument. It will fit in your purse or hang around you neck. You can buy them for under $1.00 at Home Depot or any hardware store. They come cheaper by the dozen and can be widely distributed in every room and vehicle. Just the high profile of their accessibility keeps the kids in line"

As far as Pearl's theology is concerned, I was surprised to learn that he believes that the rod has the power to absolve a child's sin. It can completly take away the guilt of sin, and put the child's world to right. I have never seen such a thing taught in scripture, but rather than the Blood of Christ can absolve us from guilt. The Blood removes our sin and shame! In a teaching tape on the book of Romans, Michael Pearl states he believes he has reached a state of sinless perfection here on this earth. If his premis for his ministry, is based on such a faulty theology, how can we take what he says, and apply it for our own lives?

This is really the harm that I see in the Pearl's ministry. The blood Jesus shed for us was so precious. So valuable, and the only way that sin could be forgiven, or guilt be absolved. While consequences are needed for the order of life, they can not, and do not have the kind of spiritual power that Pearl teaches it has. If a simple spanking could absolve us from sin and guilt, why was it necesarry for Christ to die? I do not have a direct quote for this line of thought from Pearl, but it is in the book To Train Up A Child. If you have heard of the Pearls, or perhaps if you follow their teachings, I would really encourage you to read through the more theological things the Pearl has to say about the rod. This is not about spanking, but more what a spanking does for a child. Does a spanking truely absolve the child from guilt? Does it remove sin? If the answers to those questions is no, can we really trust the advice from a man who bases his teaching on such flawed doctrine?

I do think the the Pearls teach lots of things that sound good. They teach how to have well behaved trained children. They teach that learning starts young. They teach that you need to approach your children in love. They talk of tieing your childs heartstrings. All of those things are correct. However, if they are teaching those things on the premise that you can remove your childs sin, is it wise for us to be following such a teacher who makes the Blood of Christ of no effect?

In conclusion my friend, I ask you today to consider the following:

When does doctrine matter?

When does insisting on complete submission become abusive or deadly?

Is Michael Pearl a good leader to follow based on a flawed premise of the atonement of sin?

Ultimately, Michael Pearl did not beat Lydia to death. Her parents did. But he did teach the parents that Lydia's salvation was on the line if they dared to back down. Unfortunatly, the parents understanding of that cost this little girl her life. Here are links to the news story, No Greater Joy, which is the Pearls website, and a few blogs about the insident that I found interesting. I do not agree with all this, but I thought I would give you the same information I have worked with.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/ -Pearls website

News Story

Blog

Blog-I found this blog linked on another blog. This is truely what I was trying to communicate..

I know that this post has gotten long.. And I know that many people think I have stepped way out of line in even writing this.. But that is okay. For my facebook readers, I would like to request that all comments be sent to me via a private message, because I really do not want this to turn into a debate. I have spent a several days drafting this, and I have done my best to say what is on my heart in love. Thanks!

Thy Rod and Thy Staff...

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth the rod hateth his own son; but he that loveth him, chaseneth him besides.

Proverbs 23: 13-14 Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Psalm 23:4 Yea though I walk through the valley of the shaddow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod, and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Genesis 49:10 The septre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from until Shilo come, and unto him shall the gathering of the people be.

The original hebrew word is Shebet. The hebrew lexicon defines this word as:

A large walking stick, held by the head of the family
A shepherds crook
A king's septer
A clan, or tribe
A club, or sharp spear

In the OT the "rod" was a sign of authority. The head of the family held the rod, and that was a status that allowed them to instruct and teach their family.

I am not really trying to get into the "spank or not to spank" arguement here, but I do feel from the reading I have done from the original language, that the verses in Proverbs perhaps have more to offer than simply a beating with a stick. (Since the word used litterally means walking stick, or shepherds staff, we must then understand that this was a larger instrument than is generally used in our culture)

From what I know about hebrew, (which granted is not much, but I am learning :) ) It is a beautiful language full of poetry and word pictures, and many many metaphors. The hebrew people tended to use symbols and word pictures to communicate. There are beautiful examples of these all through the Psalms and Proverbs esp, since those books are very poetry focased. Psalms 23 is considered a clasic example of this type of language.

I find it interesting that the same word is used in Gen 49:10, to refer to the authority in the tribe of Judah. Since there was not (at least, not recorded biblically) an actual septre that passed from generation to generation in Judah, we are left to conclude that this is also a metaphore to mean an authority. One comentator I read, said that this verse is considered to be highly messianic in nature. The word "shebet" meaning the litteral authority of Christ himself.

All of this to say, that while there may be a case to say that the verses in Proverbs instruct a parent to use the rod, or walking stick as a method to hit their child (another verse in proverbs seems to imply on the back.. See Proverbs 29:19) Or, perhaps, the way spanking is done today can even be supported by these verses..

I wonder though if there is more here than what we give the text credit for. Perhaps we are missing the real point, because the ideas and culture simply to not translate well into english.

Perhaps what is really being stated (again, perhaps not exclusivly) is that we need to be the spiritual authority in our childrens life. Perhaps the rod, is more of a God given sign of that authority, and it should be used to dicipline, which means to diciple, train, teach, and nurture.

I know that this thought and concept goes against the way that most americans read those verses. I am not claiming to be right, but it definatly is food for thought for me as I consider what things I need to be doin to train and instruct Judah.. To use the rod of spiritual authority, under my husband.. To train him up in the way he should go.

SURPRISE!

I am posting a blog entry!


I have not posted in a long time, and thought I should update you all on what I have been up too. I have pictures of Judah from the last several months, but I have to admit, there are not nearly as many as I thought I would have.. I will have to go through them and find them.. Maybe a project for tomorrow.. Or, maybe if he is in a good mood, we will do a mini photo shoot!


All of his professional pictures are AWESOME! But they don't give us a CD like Jason does, (How I wish Jason was closer) So, I will have to check the copyright thing and see if I am even allowed to scan them all and put them up here..


So, I have not posted since August huh.. Wow..
Well, here it goes.


August- Judah was 2 months old. Almost the entire month, I had some scary medical issues, which turned out to only be a vitamin B defincency. But in the month of August, I had 12 Dr appointments, 4 MRI's and blood drawn way to many times. I also nearly gave up nursing my darling little boy, since I was out of it so much of the time, and it was way easier just to give him a bottle. Especially for Chris when I had some panic attacks. I am so grateful that God did not let me quit, and that I had several people encouraging me to keep nursing.
September- Put in my 2 weeks at Aenta, and then got fired due to my medical issues. This was a little frustrating for me, because Chris and I were doing really well paying off all the debt, and thought I would only have to work for about a year.. But it was also a blessing in disguise. They fired me the same week I started getting my injections, and made a full recovery, so Chris didnt miss any more work babysitting both Judah and I, and I have been a stay at home mommy ever since. It truely is a blessing to get to be such a major part of his life. Plus, he seems to learn something new every hour! I can not imagine the world from his eyes where everything is new, and exciting. I love watching the wonder in his eyes at every thing he sees and touches. This is the month he got really grabby too! Especially when we wanted to eat! He also starting the teething process, which has yet to produce a tooth, but he has the drool, and sparatic tooth pain. Maybe by January. The first weekend in Sep was Labor Day. Chris's family always goes to Family Camp in Cooperstown. This year my Uncle Kevin from Texas made it up, and he brought my Grandma and Grandpa up. My pastor from Pembina was the speaker, and it was good to see him again.


Judah also got to know my family a little better, when I stayed with them for a week, just to finish recovering from my medical issues.


October- Judah is 4 months old now. And this was a busy busy month! We had his dedication on Oct 11, and a lot of my family was able to make it as well as Chris's mom and dad. The thing I remember most about this month, was trying to get Judah's SS card. I put it in a very safe place, and have not seen it since, so I went down to get another one. I brought his birth certificate, as well as the discharge papers from the hospital, where we indicated we wanted to apply for one. I was wearing Judah in a ring sling when I went into the office, and they told me I needed to prove he was alive! So frustrating! So I asked what kind of proof they needed, and they said the only thing they could accept was immunization records. I felt like banging my head on the wall!.. The lady looked completly shocked when I explained that we did not immunize our child, and told me he would not get into school without it.. So, I explained that we were planning to homeschool, and her jaw dropped even more.. So, she went searching around for almost 10 minutes to see if there was anything else I could present.. Other than the live baby of course! Long story short, I made 3 more trips, before I found out I could present a dedication certificate.
Fun month!


Also in October, I found out all my crazy ideas have a name! And I am not the only one! I practice attachment parenting, which consists of things like wearing the baby, breastfeeding for a min of 1 year, and maybe longer depending on the relationship of mother and baby, cosleeping, tending to baby's cries right away, ect. And my other crazy ideas, about natural living, vaccines, cloth diapers, elimination communication and such is referred to as "crunchy!" Its nice not to feel alone. I discovered an amazing online community called "Gentle Christian Mothers." It has been such a blessing!
Wow, this is getting long! I will try to talk faster!
November- Judah is 5 months old, and the beginning of the month, he got pnemonia, and was hospitalized for 3 days.. Talk about stress! That completly threw off his sleep schedule, and made him way more clingy.. Which is why we were kindof forced into co-sleeping. Now that we are, I love it.. Most of the time. We celebrated Thanksgiving twice with Chris's family.. The weekend before with Stacy, Rich and Bethany, Chris's sister and family, and the second time with Kelly and Brian, his other sister, and her fiance.. Both times at his parents house. It was nice for me to have people to hang out with, and Chris didnt complain about the time off of work..
I also went shopping on Black Friday, and LOVED it.. I found it exhilerating, though my mom disagrees. :)
Somewhere in here, Judah started getting up on hands and knees, and tries really hard to crawl.


December started off with Chris's birthday on the first. Judah got a little sick again this weekend, but more to freak me out than anything.


I went to the Toby Mac concert on Sunday night and it was AMAZING! It was cool to see a preformer so on fire for the Gospel of Christ. I totally support his ministry.



Wow.. What a long post.. I am going to have to go find pictures now.. :)

This is me and Judah when we did his 1 month pictures in July. I know they are a little late, but still precious. These were done by the same guy who did our wedding, Jason Siebolds of Renegade Photography. We have been thrilled with his work.. He does a wonderful job, and we only wish he lived closer so he could do every months shots of Judah. He is for sure worth the cost difference between him and Wal-Mart..

This is another one by Jason at 1 month, with Chris.

Okay Grandma, he doesnt need to grow up that fast! Judah's first driving lesson, at camp, Sep, 2009.

And last one I could find real quick was a family pic also Sep 2009. Like Chris's hair? I did it myself! It doesnt look like that now though.. His hair grows fast.. It isnt fair.

Well, with that I will publish my little book.. Ahem, I mean post! I hope I will get better at this.. It might stimulate me to actually take more pics!

More Judah, again

Here are more pictures of the little one! This one, (below) is a pic of him in his new Jumperoo.. We got it for him on Sat, and already he has spent hours in this thing. He laughs and giggles, because he can swing himself all over. He really want to be independent, so I think this helps him feel more like his own baby..



Again, another picture of the amazing new toy!

It got pretty cold here recently.. Chris and I realized we didnt (and still dont) have a lot of clothes that are going to be warm enough for winter. Here he is with his new winter hat on. He doesnt seem to mind it, unless it falls down and covers his eyes. We learned the hard way that this is a very very bad idea. Makes babies very unhappy.

He is also working hard at learning how to crawl.. Most of the time, tummy time makes him mad, because he isnt crawling yet. But he is mobile! I put him on the bed friday afternoon, and put pillows all around him.. After he woke up from his nap, he somehow managed to roll onto his tummy, and scoot right off the bed. He is doing alright. I think he scared mommy even more than himself!

This is Gwen, Chris's mom and Judah. It is the best grandparrent picture that we have so far. It was taken tonight out at Rob and Gwens place. Grandma and Grandpa just love having him around!

So, there you go. I finally got around to putting more pics of Judah on the computer.. I am not nearly as punctual with this as Rachel is.. Dont know how she does it..

If you have access to facebook, all the pictures I have on the computer of him at all are on my page. If you are on facebook, this is probably just repeats, but for those who are not, here is some Judah to whet you appatite! IMO, he is a major cutie!

Judah at almost 8 weeks.. Even some Smiles!!

Look at my super cute smile! Mommy has been trying to get a smile on camera for almost a month. And I finally cooperated.

Here is another one. I was in a happy mood. I finally fit into my church outfit. It is a size 6 month, and I am not even 2 yet. But then, I am a big boy!

Mommy really likes this picture. She thinks this looks the most like me in real life.

I sneezed, right as mommy took the picture.!!!

And one last washed out smile! Sorry the color is bad, mommy did a lot of playing with the lights.

I finally got more pics of Judah to share. I actually have more, but I lost the camera that they are on. Someday I will find it.

Hope you enjoy them!

Judah is 3 weeks old!

Here are some pictures of Judah at 3 weeks old! Today, the 29th, is his 3 week birthday. He has very wide eyes, that take everything in around him. He loves to study your face, and lights facinate him.



I just love the way his mouth looks. He looks so curious about his world. He likes to watch things, and watching his expressions as he takes in his world is so fun!

Here he is in hid boppy. They are simply one of the best inventions in the world! The boppy pillow has only hundrends of uses, and Judah likes sitting in it and watching whatever mommy and daddy are doing.

Here he is in the carseat that Aunt Kelly gave him. He has a love hate relationship with it. Sometiems he will scream when he is put in it, and sometimes it puts him to sleep.

I think this one was taken a few days ago, so he isnt quite 3 weeks yet. He loves his pacifier.

Judah is 3 weeks old today! Here are some pics that I took throughout the day. The first couple are him in just his new cloth diapers. Robin, my pastors wife, gave me her old stash, and I am thrilled! Probably 700 dollars worth of diapers at least. We love this little guy very much! God has given us a blessing that is so huge..

I never really understood what people would always say about the love a parent has for their child until he was born. We would not trade him for anything in the whole world! We are already praying for and anticipating the day that he accepts the Lord Jesus as his Saviour. We know that God has a plan for him, and cant wait to see how God works in his life.

God has been teaching me a lot about trust over the last several months. Life has been so unpredictable, and right now Chris and I are trying to figure out what the future holds now that Judah is here. Our small group bible study has been so challenging. We have been talking about Jonathan and his armour bearer. There is a story about a time when Israel was being attacked by the Phillistines, and Saul, who was King at that time, was spending his time under a pomagranate tree drunk. Jonathan took his armour bearer, and decided to attack a Phillistine outpost alone, just the two of them. The interesting thing is that he didnt know if God was going to bless his efforts or not. What he did know is that God had the power to give them victory, and that ultimatly, God's will would be accomplished. So he stepped out on faith and put his life on the line.

It has been a great study, and is based on the book Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus. If you ever get the chance to read this book it is VERY good, but VERY convicting and challenging.

I guess the gist of that whole thought is that God has been very good to us, and even though we have no idea where he is leading us, we are doing our best to walk with baby steps in the direction we think he is, and allowing him to guide us. Its scary, but looking back on the last year, God so knew where we needed to be, and He got us here. What a mighty God we serve!

Second Night at Home

Last night was Judah's second night at home. The first night, (Wednesday) was really rough. He was wide awake and fussy till 3:30, and then was up again at 6. Last night went much much better. He slept for 3 hours, and was only up 3 or 4 times.. It was wonderful! I am really enjoying having him here. He is a little joy. Will keep you all updated!